Sunday, July 8, 2007

You Can Lead A Slut To Ann Taylor, But You Can’t Dress Her


My weekend ritual includes going to Orange Julius for a Smoothie and then a walk through Dillard’s to see if there are any articles of clothing that I don’t already have.

Because I’m a regular I just sit on the bench outside of the Julius and wait for my Smoothie.

Sitting there drooling in anticipation of my Smoothie I notice that a Clearwire Kiosk has been located next to my bench.

All of a sudden I stop drooling for the Smoothie and start drooling for the chick running the Clearwire kiosk. She is so hot. She’s wearing these tight pants with this perfect tight butt. A tight fashionable tube top that accentuated her bust. Her hair was blond and curly. Her smile was beautiful, she must have had her teeth whitened.

Then as fast as my love for her had grown it crashed in a moment. I sat there dumbfounded for when she turned her head I could see that her blouse tag was showing. What kind of slut goes out in public with her tag showing?


I got my Smoothie and had calmed down by the time I had reached Dillard’s so I was able to browse through men’s fashions.

Justice fo all.

15 comments:

The Lazy Iguana said...

I have never been stopped by a tag. Unless that tag says "WARNING! Herpes live here" or something.

Herr Krokodil said...

The Lazy,

I can't do a slut if her tag is showing. I guess it's my high moral character.

The Lazy Iguana said...

I am nearsighted. I can always take off my glasses and I can not see anything. Or I can bust out my trusty switchblade and cut the tag off.

You can not see the tag once the clothes are off anyway.

Herr Krokodil said...

The Lazy,

You need to get Lasik man. It only costs about $3k amd you will see great. I have one eye for reading and one for seeing distance.

Since you're a young man I can understand your enthusiasm. I cannot tolerate this type of disrespect to fashion.

Anonymous said...

I would have to agree. Going around with tags on, and or those little size stickers they put on the legs of pants is horrifically inappropriate to say the least. There have been many people I've stabbed just for this offense

Anonymous said...

There was a rude lady at the 7-11 that wore her men's wranglers and the long leg sticker starting on her butt and trailing down the back of her leg. She appeared to be gender confused from her short hair, oversized man's watch and the girlfriend waiting in the rainbow stickered Subaru Outback (complete with ancient John Kerry stickers next to her Oregon plates) out in front of the store. She was upset with the store owner for not coming out of the back room fast enough. Apparently she really had to go and was angry she had to wait. I smiled at her as she paced, waiting for the bathroom key and said, "Oh, you forgot your sticker on your pants" and she turned BEET red.

Is it bad that I had fun doing that?

dirty said...

I can't believe you don't see the tag hanging out as a fashion statement. Here in Ohio people wear their clothes inside out to get an extra lap out of them before laundry day.

I'm sorry it was a turn off...next time I will take my shirt off. All you have to do is ask.

Herr Krokodil said...

Doozie,

I went from a hard on to ready to stab in about 5 seconds.

7-11,

Dike lesbians never worry about tags showing or price tags. I think that's just there way of saying I'm a dike lesbian, like the no make-up and butch style hair isn't enough.

Dirty,

Not only did you excite me but you came to a very logical solution. Excellent thought process.

dirty said...

I do what I can...I aim to please.

It's just how I roll.

Herr Krokodil said...

Dirty,

You seem like a pleasing person. I don't see how you do it all. Work and a young family. You deserve a certificate of achievement.

dirty said...

That is the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me...aside from calling me a cunt...let's make out.

Herr Krokodil said...

Dirty,

Make out? Whatever happened to 2 friends getting together and having wild monkey sex. I actually train for sex with young women with my Hooters Calendar. I'm chuckling.

To be totally honest with you. If we were to ask people if you were a better looking woman or I was a better looking man, I would win. I don't mean this in a mean way it's just the truth.

dirty said...

I really want to spank you right now.

Anonymous said...

wow, you better watch it or the young dirty will show up at your work and work you over!!! I trust that she can do it too.

there were numerous big boned lesbians at the body show we saw. they were milling around in sneakers, long shorts, untucked big t-shirts and butch haircuts. I mean they were sooooo hard to spot. so hard.

Anonymous said...

Dirty,

You couldn't handle me, just sayin. You're still hot though.

Lesbaru,

Dirty is all talk, I've known a lot of women like her.

Lesbaru, I like that. I think I ID'd a lesbian at my work. I'm trying to force her into making lesbian videos but I'm also teaching a diversity class, so I'm torn.