Sunday, July 22, 2007

Woman Arrested for kissing Penis of a Replica of Michael Angelo’s David by American Artist Herr Krokodil

AKRON, Ohio — A woman has been arrested on suspicion of kissing the penis of a replica of Michael Angelo’s David by American artist Herr Krokodil and smudging the statue’s bone-white penis with her lipstick, Ohio judicial officials said Saturday.

Police said they arrested a woman whose, identity has not been released, after she kissed the statue’s penis on Thursday. The woman keeps insisting that the statue is a colleague and is 19-years-old. If found competent the woman will be tried in a court in the southern city of Youngstown on Aug. 16 for "damage to a work of art," judicial officials said.

The statue, which is worth an estimated $20 million, was on display at the Museum of Contemporary Art in Akron. It is part of an exhibition slated to run at the museum through Sept. 30th, 2010.

Krokodil is known for his abstract sculpting techniques, repetitive themes and the use of his own body as the model for his statues.

Police say the woman was wearing a distinctive orange shade of lipstick so the arrest was rather easy.

Krokodil has lived in Davie for over half- century. He won the prestigious Golden Gator award at the Micanopy Statue Biennale in 2001.

Justice fo’ all.

Saturday, July 21, 2007

Picture Stolen From Doozie


I altered the picture because I did not find it exciting.

Justice fo' all.

Nuclear Power vs. Renewable Energy

It would take one windmill to power Dirty’s vibrator while one nuclear rod could power all the vibrators in Ohio. This video gives a rare glimpse of the Wind and its power. I really think the Wind is trying to mislead you.

If a nuclear plant has a meltdown a horn will sound and you can get in your car and hall butt the other way.

Justice fo’ all.

Friday, July 20, 2007

Three Hour Tour

At my thirty-year class reunion, the fellas carried me around the Sheraton Sand Key shouting Herr Kokodil is omnipotent, not impotent. Why you ask. Because back in high school I put the names of the girls who would look great in thirty years in one tube and put the girls who would be obese slobs in another. The rule of the game was the girl had to be attractive back in high school. Well I’ve always been able to pick the hottest and most wild chicks, so I won.

But, to this day I cannot decide whether I would have shacked up with Ginger or Maryanne on Gilligan’s Island. This really bugs me. You say do both, but I always choose the best and what if the one I had sex with first wasn’t the best? Then I would have been wrong.

Justice fo’ all.

Thursday, July 19, 2007

Birds Take Up Residence In Man's Afro

AHHH! Virginia Doctor Finds Birds Living In Man's Afro

(OPP) Doctors thought the strange, chirping coming from Matt’s head might be from dry eyes or edemas. Then a seagull flew out of his fro.

A doctor found five birds living in his fro, 4 seagulls and 1 albatross.

"I'd put my hand on my head and out flew a bird. I thought the chirping was blood coursing through my head," Matt told the liberal media.

"I could hear them. I actually thought I was going crazy."

Matt said he likely received the bird infestation while on a kayaking trip to DC this summer. Bird infestations are not uncommon in men who wear fros.

"It was weird and traumatic," said Matt, of Arlington. "I would get this pain that would drop me to my knees."

Matt's girlfriend, Sarah, teased him about it.

"I told him, 'I will love you through your fro birds,'" she told the liberal newspaper.

Justice fo’ all.

Wednesday, July 18, 2007

Cute Deaf Mute Using Sign Language Triggers Brawl

Akron, OHIO — A brawl involving four men and a woman apparently began over a misunderstanding when a woman who is deaf and mute was communicating through sign language and some men got the wrong message, thinking that the hand gestures were disrespectful.

Police say what resulted was a brawl outside a smoothie store in east Akron.

Sarah Dirty, 28, had just turned a corner in her Ford van when she noticed a truck with three hot men alongside her van. The deaf mute woman started signing “If I wasn’t married I’d lick your entire body,” police said.

The men thought the sign language gestures were showing disrespect toward them, police said. The men made some gestures of their own and cut in front of Ms. Dirty forcing her into the parking lot of the smoothie store.

In the parking lot, the three men from the truck jumped Ms. Dirty, police said.

The boyfriend of Ms. Dirty, Matt Outawork, who volunteers at the smoothie store, came out and began pummeling the three men.

Police said “that young man Matt saved her life.”

When police searched Dirty they found several plastic baggies of meth, a glass pipe and $691 in her pockets, court documents said.

The investigation into the brawl is ongoing.

Justice fo' all.

Tuesday, July 17, 2007

I'm Furious

How can I go get a snowcone with the top down and hit range balls when it's thundering? Mother nature is showin me disrespect.

Justice fo' all?

Paint Brush Embedded In Painter's Head

Washington Painter Failed To Notice Embedded Paint Brush In Her Head

(OPP) Painter Ms. Doozie Beagles kept painting for more than 3-days despite the headaches that started after a clash with a fellow painter.

Doozie was painting for the local college during the July 15 incident where brushes were used as knives involving fellow painter Paco Jesus Hernandez. She had numerous body wounds stitched up afterward but didn’t make a thorough check of her head, the Press reported Tuesday.

Doozie said “I got the best of that wetback, he stole my favorite brush, that was disrespectful.”

Doozie later suffered an eye infection and complained of lethargy and shooting pains in her head.

Then last week, her doctor found a paint brush imbedded in her head.

"I can laugh about it now, but the doctor told me it could have been serious," “I guess I didn’t notice the paintbrush because I had started to wear my hair in a fro,“ Doozie said.

"I've got the paint brush at home, sitting on the bedside table next to my picture of Herr Krokodil," she said. "If he (Paco) comes looking for that paint brush, I’m going to stab him in the head."

Justice fo’ all.

Sunday, July 15, 2007

What Was The White Boy Thinking?

White Javelin thrower misfires and spears the honkie doing the long jump. This is why I don't go to track and field events, they're dangerous. I'll never forget in High School I got hit in the head with the shot put.

Justice fo all.

Happy Birthday Dirty

I can't believe I forgot your birthday. Hope you had a great day. This birthday video is actually a real video of Dirty when she was just 26. Happy Birthday.

Justice fo' all.

Why Are Internet Predators Usually White Middle Age Males?

I can accept the blacks going around stabbing and shooting everyone because this is part of the black culture but why is it that white middle age men are the ones getting arrested for trying to hook up with a 13-year-old over the internet?

This really bothers me since I’m a white male using the internet. This behavior casts a shadow over respectable white male internet users like myself.

I guess these men have always been around but the internet has given them a tool to more easily catch their prey.

I would like to suggest that a law be enacted that any white middle age male caught trying to arrange sex with a minor should be stoned to death. I’m suggesting this severe punishment in hopes that these men will beat off in the shower like all the normal white middle age men.

As a sidebar comment, evidence suggests that American women are fatter, uglier, and meaner than they have ever been in American history. If the current study being conducted by Krokodil Consulting Ltd. shows this to be a contributory factor in why white middle age males are committing such terrible acts, then I believe the country needs to seriously consider importing Russian and Vietnamese women to keep the men of this country perversion free.

Justice fo’ all.

Saturday, July 14, 2007

Don't pet a Gator

Justice fo all.

Sheffield claims Torre treated Jungle Bunnies, Latinos on Yanks differently

Sheffield claims Torre treated Jungle Bunnies, Latinos on Yanks differently

SEATTLE (OPP)-- Detroit slugger Gary Sheffield had an pimp-tight view of the New York Yankees when he joined the team before the 2004 season.

The latest controversy surrounding Sheffield surfaced Friday, with comments he made to HBO's Real Homie Sports

Sheffield's strongest opinions were about the Yankees and Torre. Sheffield said Friday he felt disrespected from the time he arrived in New York, that's disrespectful," Sheffield said. "But no one came to my defense to say it was disrespectful."

Sheffield claims Jungle Bunny and Latino players in the Yankees clubhouse were treated differently.

"I think it's a, a way of, the way they do things around there, you know, a Homie who just wants to do crack and be a baby daddy is disrespected" Sheffield told Real Homie Sports. "They run their slave ship differently."

Justice fo’ all.

Friday, July 13, 2007

Toys "B" Us Embraces Discrimination Claim

Class Action Lawsuit Accuses Stores Of Treating Swamp Guineas Differently

(OPP) When a swamp guinea shopper who had just stuffed a plastic switchblade for his wife's boy in his jacket headed for the door of a Toys "B" Us store, a security po po asked to see a receipt for the item. But a whitey shopper who had just left the same store didn't face the same scrutiny, according to a multimillion-dollar race card discrimination lawsuit against the toy store giant.

The lawsuit accuses Toys "B" Us of singling out Swamp Guinea customers in a pattern of race-based stops, searches and wrongful detentions. It seeks class action status, $400 million in damages and a court order to end discrimination.

Toys "B" Us President and CEO Herr Krokodil called the allegations "right on target."

"Toys 'B' Us disrespects the Swamp Guineas because they are the ones doing all the stealing," he said in a statement. "We look forward to demonstrating that blacks stealing stuff adds a dollar to the price of goods that the whiteys pay for."

Krokodil said from a loss-prevention perspective I still can’t figure out where the Swamp Guineas are hiding the Barbie Dolls. We lose a lot of Barbie Dolls, I don't know how they get them out of here.

"These unconstitutional and illegal acts degrade, humiliate and cause grave harm to blacks trying to steal stuff for Kwanzaa, Juneteenth, MLK Day, and Homie History Month," the lawsuit says.

It says undercover operatives, security guards and employees in the stores routinely surround black shoppers in front of friends, relatives or neighbors and take away the items that they stuffed in their pants.

The lead plaintiff in the lawsuit is Mr. Iguana, a Globetrotter, who says he was stopped by a security guard as he left a Toys "B" Us store in the Bronx with a bicycle stuffed in his pants.

When Mr. Iguana, refused to show his receipt, the security guard made a move toward Mr. Iguana and Mr. Iguana stabbed the guard.

Outside the store a white liberal who lives in a consistent neighborhood told Mr. Iguana he was angry at how he was treated because he was not asked to present his receipt when he left the store, the lawsuit says.

Justice fo’ all.

Thursday, July 12, 2007

Workers Free Nude Woman Trapped In Sewer Pipe

Washington Workers Get Creative To Free Woman Trapped In Sewer Pipe

(OPP) The sound of whining underneath a street Tuesday led a team of city workers to a woman trapped in a narrow culvert _ and you might say they used a backdoor approach to rescue the woman.

The hot, sweaty, scared woman was about 50 feet from the nearest entry point, but since the culvert was just 32 inches in diameter, the workers couldn't fit into it themselves. Not even offers of food and hair products could draw out the woman.

"She was exhausted," said Herr Krokodil, a public works foreman.

Then Krokodil had an idea. They rigged up a long video camera used to inspect drain pipes, and approached the woman from her buttocks. They used the camera to nudge the woman forward.

The camera recorded the rescue, showing the woman sweating and moaning as the camera entered her anal cavity revealing a small polyp. The woman kept yelling don’t stop you sexy sanitation workers. The woman was eventually pushed out by the camera.

The woman’s boyfriend, a fireman, "thought his girlfriend might have entered the culvert to save the beagle that lived downstairs,“ the fireman said.

The city workers were just glad they could tell the woman about the polyp in her colon, but Krokodil said it was the first time he'd helped rescue a nude woman out of the sewer in his 25 years with the city.

"Doozie got very excited when she saw her fireman boyfriend," Krokodil said.

Justice fo’ all.

Wednesday, July 11, 2007

Sex Slave Contract Please Review and Sign

This made me laugh

Justice fo' all

Burying The Honkie Herr Krokodil

NAACP Symbolically Buries Honkie Herr Krokodil During Public Ceremony In Detroit

(OPP) There was no mourning at this funeral.

Hundreds of onlookers cheered Monday afternoon as the NAACP put to rest a long-standing racist by holding a symbolic burial for the Honkie during its annual convention in Detroit.

"Today we're not just burying the Honkie, we're taking him out of our spirit," said Detroit Mayor Kwame Kilpatrick. "We gather burying all the things that go with the Honkie. His children, golf clubs, breaded fishsticks and his high-end Mercedes coup.

"Die Honkie, and we don't want to see you round here no more."

National Association for the Advancement of Colored People delegates from across the country gathered at downtown's Homie Center and marched about a quarter-mile to Malcolm X Plaza for a ceremony and rally.

This Honkie has been a thorn in the side of blacks for more than a century.

Black leaders, including the Revs. Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton, have challenged the Homies to exterminate not only Krokodil but all the Honkies.

"While we are happy to have symbolically stabbed and buried a certain attractive honkie with great hair, but what about all the illegal wetbacks," NAACP National Board Chairman Julian Bond said.

Justice fo all.

Tuesday, July 10, 2007

Globetrotter Signs Lucrative Endorsement Contract with Afro-sheen USA

Globetrotter, Mr. Laz Y. Iguana’s, sports agent, Herr Krokodil, announced today that Mr. Iguana has signed a multi-million dollar contract with Afro-sheen USA.

“Mr Iguana’s hair was short and rather dull before he started using Afro-sheen on a daily basis. Since Iguana started using the product his afro stands tall and proud. He can basically have sex with any sweet thang that he desires,” said Herr Krokodil.

In the 30-second commercial the Iguana is seen running out of a 7-Eleven with Afro-sheen instead of the contents of the cash drawer. The media has praised the advertising agency for such a new and fresh advertising theme.

Justice fo’ all.

Monday, July 9, 2007

Woman Calls Aiken Faggot and Then Stabs Him

The petite woman with great hair said “He touched my hair and had his smelly gay shoe on my arm rest.”

TULSA, Okla. — Clay Aiken was involved in an airplane disturbance with a petite female passenger with great hair Saturday while en route to Tulsa International Airport, a newspaper reported.

The dispute on a Continental Airlines flight took place between Aiken, who was traveling Saturday morning to a performance at the Gay Theater, and Ms. Doozie Beagles, the Tulsa World reported for Sunday's editions.

The "American Idol" singer joked from his hospital bed about being stabbed by Doozie earlier in the day. Aiken said “ I touched her hair because it was so beautiful and then she turned around and started calling me a faggot and then stabbed me in the chest with her blade.

FBI Special Herr Krokodil said the dispute was over Clay Aikens’ touching her hair and resting his foot on the woman's armrest. He said then Ms. Doozie gave Clay Aikens a "minor stabbing" during the argument.

"At that point the flight crew was able to resolve the situation," Krokodil said.

Telephone calls and e-mails from The Associated Press to Clay Aikens and Ms. Doozie Beagles were not returned Sunday.

Justice fo’ all.

Sunday, July 8, 2007

Fire Guts Crib Owned by Dead Rapper's Mother

Lumberton, NC— A Robeson County home owned by da mudda o' da late rapper Tupac Shakur wuz completely gutted by fire Friday night.

Crews investigated da fire dat ripped through Afeni Shakur-Davis’s crib at 2870 Trevor Lane in Lumberton.

About 25 firefighters from three stations wuz on da scene. No one wuz in da crib at da tyme o' da fire, an' dere wuz nahh injuries.

The crib wuz considered uh total loss due ta da massive smoke an' fire damage, officials said.

don't make me shank ya!

Cradle to Grave Lyrics

From tha Cradle to the Grave, life ain't never been easy
Living in the ghetto.

From the cradle to the grave, life ain't never been easy
Living in the ghetto.

June 16, 1971
Mama gave birth
to a hell raisin' heavanly son.
See the doctor tried to smack me
but I smacked him back,
My first words were "thug for life"
and "Papa pass the Mac."
I'm bustin' on these motha fuckas ballin'
Listen you can hear my mini 14 callin'.
From out the window of my drop top
I got my glock cocked
bustin' at niggas
when will it stop ?
Now tell me are you scared of the dark?
Can't close my eyes I see visions
And even with this thug livin'
will I escape in prison ?
Penitentiary chances was an all day thang
The only way to advance
and if you slang
Then you'd better have your nikes on
Cause when we fight
it's in the middle of the night with no lights on.
There must be a God cause I feel lucky,
Paranoid out my mind
this motha fucka's tryin' to rush me.
Am I goin' to jail?
Look at me bailin'
Commin' out the court house
all about mail [???].
Never die
be a hustler mothafuckas
And makin' thugs out you suckas.
From the cradle to the grave.

Justice fo' all.

You Can Lead A Slut To Ann Taylor, But You Can’t Dress Her

My weekend ritual includes going to Orange Julius for a Smoothie and then a walk through Dillard’s to see if there are any articles of clothing that I don’t already have.

Because I’m a regular I just sit on the bench outside of the Julius and wait for my Smoothie.

Sitting there drooling in anticipation of my Smoothie I notice that a Clearwire Kiosk has been located next to my bench.

All of a sudden I stop drooling for the Smoothie and start drooling for the chick running the Clearwire kiosk. She is so hot. She’s wearing these tight pants with this perfect tight butt. A tight fashionable tube top that accentuated her bust. Her hair was blond and curly. Her smile was beautiful, she must have had her teeth whitened.

Then as fast as my love for her had grown it crashed in a moment. I sat there dumbfounded for when she turned her head I could see that her blouse tag was showing. What kind of slut goes out in public with her tag showing?

I got my Smoothie and had calmed down by the time I had reached Dillard’s so I was able to browse through men’s fashions.

Justice fo all.

Saturday, July 7, 2007

Dysfunctional Couple Magazine Says Dike Lesbian Couples Make The Best Neighbors

Dysfunctional Couple Magazine Editor, Doozie Beagles, conducted a survey of 500 normal couples who lived next door to dysfunctional couples.

Her findings support previous studies conducted by Krokodil Consulting Group that show that normal couples prefer Dike Lesbians as neighbors hands down.

Ms. Doozie Beagles explained that the appeal of Dike Lesbians mainly is the result of them maintaining the curb appeal of their abode. Also Dike Lesbians normally confine their sex to their backyard pool. The moaning from the Dike Lesbians sex seems to be a welcome break from a pool full of screaming kids.

The complete list of Dysfunction Couples that normal people would like to have as neighbors is as follows;

1. Dike Lesbians 68%
2. Hot Lesbians 20%
3. Transgender (male to female) 5%
4. Gay Males 4%
5. Interracial Couple (Black Male and Big Boned trashy white female) 2%
6. Interracial gay Couple ( Gay Black Male and Gay White Male) .5%
7. All Other dysfunctional couples .5%

Ms. Beagles says the percentages have an error factor of + or - 1%.

Justice fo’all.

Monday, July 2, 2007

If Doozie had a Schnauzer instead of a Weener.

Justice fo' all.

FIU Hoops Star Named to Globetrotters

METRO-DADE COUNTY — The hero of FIU’s College's intra-mural basketball national team was selected Monday to join the Harlem Globetrotters.

Guard Laz Y. Iguana was picked in the first player draft ever held by the Globetrotters and is one of only three players nationwide asked to attend the team's training camp in Liberty City this October.

Iguana called the selection an ideal fit for him, combining his love for basketball with his desire to smoke crack. Mr. Iguana was deciding whether he should change his name to Meadowlark Iguana.

Iguana's 10 points in the final 45 seconds of the Intra-mural title game carried FIU to a 77-75 victory over previously unbeaten Yomama (Louisiana.) State in March. He scored the winning basket on a lay-up as time expired.

Justice fo’ all.

Sunday, July 1, 2007

Florida A&M University Named Best?

TALLAHASSEE, Fla. (AP) — Florida A&M is on top of the academic world, celebrated as one of America's top universities after being chosen college of the year by Time magazine and the Princeton Review.

In June, the Southern Association of Colleges and Schools put the university on probation due to rules violations. Most resulted from FAMU's peeps inability to account for millions of dollars of inventory and some contractual arrangements made for Cadillac Escalades without proper approval.

Justice fo’ all.

Hitting a Target beyond 5 to 7 Yards, Why?

In Ireland I visited an old military friend who has lost his memory so he didn’t have a clue who I was. While visiting his family his granddaughters came to visit him and they had all just acquired 25 caliber guns for protection. I volunteered to give them a lesson in shooting their weapons.

Since they didn’t know this I thought I should share it with you all too. If you have a handgun for protection, you only need to be accurate from about 5 yards away from your target. In urban violence the action 99% of the time is taking place in a confined area.

The difference between life and death is making sure the safety is off, that the gun is loaded and there is a bullet in the chamber. Once you have that down then you need to practice your speed in firing. Never try to anticipate the bang. If you do you will most likely milk your shot. Aim for the chest and fire quickly. It’s hard to fire quickly when you’re aiming. This is where practice comes in. If you can learn to shoot from the hip it’s even better.

They still sell black silhouettes in Ireland. These are against the law in America but I smuggled some in my hollow cane.

Justice fo’ all.

If Doozie Has A Little Girl

Justice fo' all.

Feels Great To Whack The PiƱata In My Own Bed Again

There’s just something about the comfort of my king-sized bed with my body print sheets and styling aid stained pillow and my 1997 Hooters Calendar.

It was nice being in Ireland because I was slightly tanner than most of the people.

I’ve decided not to invest in the technology . The payback timeline is pushing my life expectancy.

I ended up staying longer than expected because I didn’t listen closely to my secretary and I didn’t read my itinerary until after I had left. Oops.

Ireland has changed a great deal since the last time I was there. Mainly there are now blacks in Ireland. I wonder whose bright idea that was? The Irish blacks are very different though. They all look exactly a like. I mean I couldn’t tell the difference between the black men and the black women. The Irish blacks are different than the descendents of slaves in the states though

One difference was I saw a black dude running out of a convenience store in Ireland carrying a six pack of beer and he just kept running. He didn’t jump into a Cadillac Escalade or a Chrysler 300. The guy was in excellent shape.

When we went into the convenience store to buy a soda pop, I heard the guy behind the counter saying that one of the those crazy blacks had stolen some beer. The convenience store had no security system and the black hadn’t stabbed the clerk. This was all very weird to me.

I need to catch up with what’s happening on every ones blogs. I missed you all. I especially missed the hot women. Nothing personal Lazy.

Justice fo’ all.