Monday, June 25, 2007

Ah-ooooo, Gators of Durham

I saw a gator with a Chinese menu in his hand
Walking through the streets of Durham in the rain
He was looking for a place called P F Changs
Going to get a big dish of sweet & saur chicken

Ah-ooooo, Gators of Durham
Ah-ooooo, Gators of Durham

If you hear him growling around your kitchen door
You better not let him in
Hot lady got spanked late last night
Gators of Durham again

Ah-ooooo, Gators of Durham
Ah-ooooo, Gators of Durham

He's the smooth-handed gent who ran amok in Parma
Lately he's been overheard in Clearwater
You better stay away from him
He'll rip your heart out, Dirty
Ha, I'd like to meet his stylist

Ah-ooooo, Gators of Durham
Ah-ooooo, Gators of Durham

Well, I saw Doozie walking with the Queen
Doing the gators of Durham
I saw Doozie walking with the Queen
Doing the gators of Durham
I saw a gator drinking a margarita at the Mexican Restaurant
His hair was perfect

Ah-ooooo, Gators of Durham
Ah-ooooo, Gators of Durham

PS I’m flying to Ireland tomorrow to look at some new technology that I might be interested in investing in. I should be back on Friday unless of course I eat some bad potatoes. I would like to say Asa lama lakem to all my Muslim friends.

Justice fo' all.

Florida State University Student

Justice fo' all.

Why Do White Trash Boys Wear Saggin’ Pants?

Researchers who study such trends offer the following as to how this subculture originated.

The study states that during American slavery, some black slaves were forced to rape their gay white masters, and after the gay deeds were consummated, the gay white masters would wear their pants saggin’ so that their slaves could identify them for future pleasures.

In other words, gay white masters wearing saggin' pants were said to be announcing that they were available for their black slaves. Over time, the style became a little-talked-about subculture that seeped into general white gay trash culture.

Dr. Doozie, child psychologist, says most young white trash boys do it because they want the black boys to put their snakes in their hiney hole, plain and simple.

Justice fo’ all.

Sunday, June 24, 2007

Man Catches Record Tarpon With Cane Pole

Laz Y. Iguana says his new wife, Lakisha, gets all the credit for this fish. After Honeymooning in Atlanta the newlywed couple went out on Herr Krokodil’s flats boat for some Tarpon fishing at the mouth of Tampa Bay. Krokodil had recommended a rod and reel but Lakisha said you be better served using a cane pole wid a dough ball.

The Lazy plans on having the fish mounted .

Justice fo’ all.

We Built This DiverseCity

By Krokodil

We built this diversecity, we built this diversecity on hip an' hop
Built this diversecity, we built this diversecity on hip an' hop
Say you don't know me, or recognize my face
Say you don't care who goes to that kind of hood
Knee deep in the crack, sinking in your fight
Too many homie thugs eating up the night
Bobby Cutts plays the white ho, listen to the boom box, don't you remember
We built this diversecity, we built this diversecity on hip an' hop

We built this diversecity, we built this diversecity on hip an' hop
Built this diversecity, we built this diversecity on hip an' hop
Someone's always playing long black snake games
Who cares they're always changing black snake names
We just want to party here, someone stole her life
They call us irresponsible, write us off the page
Bobby Cutts plays the white ho, listen to the boom box, don't you remember
We built this diversecity, we built this diversecity on hip an' hop

We built this diversecity, we built this diversecity on hip an' hop
Built this diversecity, we built this diversecity on hip an' hop

PS I'm an amateur song writer.

Justice fo' all.

Saturday, June 23, 2007

Weekend Riot Planned in Downtown Durham

Durham — The party iz on in Durham. A city-wide riot iz being held Saturday ta honor da new downtown plaza an' da increase in Hate Crimes on whitey.

The Durham Rising riot starts at 4 p.m. wiff live hip-hop rap on three stages. The kick-off ceremony will start at 6 p.m., wiff uh parade following at 7:30 p.m. The riot wraps up wiff uh handcannon Show Spectacular at 9:30 p.m.

The city has spent about $13 million on renovations in downtown Durham, including new streetscapes an' lights. Leaders said da improvements will he`p attract mo' homies ta da area.

Durham has received he`p in da form o' both public an' private investments, including $1 billion worth o' new low income housing, office an' retail space. Crews gots converted three streets from one way ta two way, an' dey serve as da city bacon bazooka, linking downtown ta other districts.
and sheet.

Justice fo all.

Thursday, June 21, 2007

Nothing New Here

Justice fo all.

Transit Chief Apologizes to Kissing Lesbians Kicked Off Bus

Akron, Oh. — A transit agency chief apologized Wednesday to two lesbians who were kicked off a city bus for kissing each other.

The lesbians, said the driver called them "sickos and kinda hairy" after a male passenger complained that his view of the women making out was obstructed by a big black dude. The driver then stopped the bus along the street and forced the lesbians off.

"Removing the lesbians from the bus was not consistent with our policy," said General Manager Herr Krokodil. "I want to reiterate that the only riders that really cause problems are the blacks, I have nothing against lesbians especially the hot ones on our system."

The 42-year-old driver, an 11-veteran who was identified as Ms. Saur Kraut, will be disciplined, Krokodil said, though no details were released.

"We sincerely apologize to the lesbians for this incident," Krokodil said in the statement.

Justice fo’ all.

Wednesday, June 20, 2007

Descendents Of Slaves Sacrifice Wetback at Juneteenth Celebration

AUSTIN, Texas (OPP) -- Homies celebrated Juneteenth by sacrificing uh wetback who drove right up to the celebration in a red Trans Am, Tyrone Williams said Wednesday.

Williams believes 2,000 ta 3,000 revelers wuz in da area fo' uh Juneteenth Celebration Sacrifice sponsored by Cadillac and the new shinier Escalade.

Williams said that normally a Honkie is sacrificed at the Annual Juneteenth Celebration but in the spirit of making a stand against illegal immigration we decided to sacrifice a wetback.

The liberal media claimed dat da descendents of slaves conducted the sacrifice without the aid of guns or knives. This prompted the liberal media to classify this Juneteenth Celebration Sacrifice as the most pimp-tight in history

Justice fo’ all.

Tuesday, June 19, 2007

Woman Downs 56 Weiners In 12 Min.

157-Pound Woman Downs 56 Weiners And Buns In 12 Minutes To Win Contest

(OPP) B. A Doozie, a 157-pound social worker, demolished the competition in the 5th Annual Nathan's Famous Hot Dog Eating Contest by downing 56 franks and buns in 12 minutes.

Doozie, 42, was the only woman in Saturday's field of 53. Her 56-dog meal was substantially more than the men flanking her _ and weighing in at 360 and 359 pounds _ could manage.

"Seven hundred-nineteen pounds of man, and they are losing to a 157-pound woman!" announcer Herr Krokodil yelled into a microphone as the crowd roared.

Laz Y. Iguana, the large Miami man on Doozie's right, stood and shook his head in wonder as the crowd counted down the last 10 seconds. Doozie kept stuffing her cheeks.

"I was kind of thinking I could probably outeat her, but she was incredible," said Iguana, who took second with 25 1/2 dogs.

Major League Eating is pushing Doozie as a breakout star this year, her rookie season. Her mouth and jaw structure is perfect for gulping weiners.

"Without any question, she is one of the future leaders of the sport," Krokodil said.

Doozie said she grew up in a small apartment in China without much food and often was hungry because the Chinks would steal her food.

Justice fo' all.

Monday, June 18, 2007

Blogger Iguana Weds Model On Boat

It Was The Fifth Wedding For The Blogger

(OPP) Metro-Dade County Blogger Iguana married super-model Lakisha “Ebony” Williams in a private ceremony Saturday on the Miami Riviera, in front of 1,000 friends and family members at a medieval oyster bed off El Pato Cove near the Overtown District, his assistant confirms in a statement.

A reception followed overlooking the coast of Santa Crack Ho, just outside the posh Overtown resort on Miami's western coast.

Dinner, dancing, smoking crack and fireworks lasted until the early hours as the newlyweds left on an Atlanta honeymoon.

It was the fifth wedding for the 32-year-old blogger, best known for hits like "Mr. Slave" and "Melliwinks." Iguana and Ebony, 27, have expressed interest in adopting a one-year-old Pakistani son together.

Justice fo' all.

Sunday, June 17, 2007

Krokodil Shows Off His Cultural Side

I've never been a big culture Dude, but when I visit New York City I always try to fit in a play.

While in NY I saw the Broadway Hit Show "Hair." It was one of those plays that really made me think about my purpose in life and how I needed to consistently be in a positive frame of mind. This movie helped me in that now I always look on the bright side of things, nothing good ever comes out of negative thoughts.

Word of warning, the Europeans visiting NY have terrible body odor much like they do when they are at St. Pete Beach. The ones from London are especially nasty smelling.

The clip below is from the play, I hope it has as profound an impact on you as it did on me.

Justice fo all.

Saturday, June 16, 2007

Think Before You Buy A Swimsuit

Swimsuit shopping can be a nightmare! Getting the right suit is the key. Here supermodel Emma wears an unflattering suit on the left and a flattering suit on the right. Oh what a difference a suit makes. The one on the left sells for $39 at Lane Bryant Plus and the one on the right sells for $449 at Krokodil Specialty Swimwear.

Justice fo' all.

Friday, June 15, 2007

Nifong - White Conservatives Were Right

RALEIGH, N.C. - A tearful white liberal attorney, Mike Nifong said Friday he will resign as district attorney after admitting that his liberal views were racist about three white Duke University lacrosse players who were once charged with raping a black stripper.

“The conservative white community has suffered enough.”

The players were later declared innocent by state prosecutors.

Nifong who is a white liberal district attorney in Durham North Carolina an area made up predominantly of Africans. The district attorney felt he had no choice but to prosecute the white boys or the community would riot. It’s really a shame that a fine college like Duke sits in the middle of one of the most violent areas in this country.

In a positive note it was nice to see so many black strippers at Duke’s National Championship Lacrosse Match this past month. I think this showed a lot of integrity and courage for the black strippers to come out here and cheer on the Duke Boys after all that has transpired.

Justice fo all.

Thursday, June 14, 2007

Upset with wife’s blogging, husband stabs computer

An Akron man who caught his wife blogging with a very handsome man who has very nice hair decided to log her off for good early Wednesday — by stabbing her computer with his switchblade, police said.

The gentleman, 26, of Akron, was arrested on charges of reckless endangerment, simple assault, terroristic threats, disorderly conduct and harassment.

Police allege the gentleman stabbed his wife’s computer tower 35-times after a 2 a.m. argument inside a bedroom on the second floor of the couple’s residence.

According to an affidavit:

After returning home Wednesday, the gentleman became angry that his wife, Sarah, was chatting with a very handsome man with very nice hair on the blog site “Justice Fo’ All.” He first spanked her in the kitchen and then tried to drag her upstairs by her brittle and over-treated hair.

Once upstairs, he stabbed the computer and began sniffing the bathing suit she had worn that day.

No one was injured.

Officers recovered the knife, a black Springfield Armory knife, with a leather handle and a snap-out toothpick.

The gentleman was arraigned and transported to the Akron City Prison.

Sarah said, “I was starting to lose interest in my husband but he looked so sexy stabbing the computer.”

Bail was set at $50,000.

Justice fo' all.

Wednesday, June 13, 2007

Ubangi Lipscomb and the Juneteenth Celebration

The African holiday calls for celebratory dishes and hate crime baiting

St. Petersburg resident Ubangi Lipscomb loves to celebrate Juneteenth -- the celebration that commemorates the end of slavery and the beginning of widespread crime in the United States.

To Ubangi, Juneteenth is like Christmas, with lots of looting and eating.

"Whenever Juneteenth is mentioned my sweet thang Lakisha seems to light up," Ubangi says.

Culinary historian Laz Y. Iguana says Juneteenth traditions usually involve watermelon, fried chicken and crack.

Beyond the food, the homies have added hate crime baiting to the festivities. This practice combines elements of stealing and showing disrespect all into one event. A once-obscure hate crime offense has made its way to the forefront of the celebration. Steal a poor white male’s wallet, who is a single father because his wife died of breast cancer, and see if he doesn’t yell racial slurs as he runs after you.

Enjoy your Juneteenth festivities.

Justice fo’ all.

PS Don’t forget Father’s Day. I told my daughters a long time ago that if I don’t get a card and a gift on Father’s Day they will be written out of the will. No excuses. Cards have to be in the mail by tomorrow to make it on Saturday.

Tuesday, June 12, 2007

Beagle Found Bound and Gagged and in the Trash Can of Miami Man

IDAHO. - A beagle that disappeared from its Idaho apartment in May has been found 2,230 miles away at “The Lazy Iguana’s”, a Coral Gables Gay Hispanic bar and grill in Miami..

The dog, named Howler, was found by a big-boned sensitive trans-gendered man named Mr. Emma Wednesday in the parking lot.

The next morning, the Metro-Dade County Police found a microchip in Howler that let them figure out he was registered to an old woman who lived in a small bottom floor apartment in Idaho.

The police contacted Howler’s speechless owner on Friday.

The woman said “ I thought for sure the hot crazy woman with the flabby butt had killed Howler and ate him like the Vietnamese do, thank heavens he’s home safe.”

Justice Fo’ All.

Monday, June 11, 2007

Lunch with Hot Associate gets Nasty

I was looking forward to having lunch with this hot associate of mine. I had stuffed some bounty paper towels in my suit pants because I wear my emotions in my pants and I didn’t want to mess up my pants. We were to meet at the Italian restaurant.

I walk into the restaurant and walk up and greet her and then she proceeds to cough in my face. Is this hot babe really going to have lunch with me with that nasty cough? She coughed the whole lunch, on me, on my meatball sub, on my coke and on my chips. She made no attempt to cover her mouth. To make matters worse her skinny throat and rounded mouth acted like a megaphone making each cough sound like the bang of a jackhammer.

After lunch I pulled the dry bounty towels out of my pants and wiped her saliva off my forehead.

Justice fo’ all.

Sunday, June 10, 2007

Herr Krokodil - Certified Hot Babe Counselor

Dear Herr Krokodil,

Question: I’d like to start out by saying you have exquisite hair. But I digress, I’m a married 29 year-old hot babe with 3 children and lately I’ve been somewhat depressed. I’m a stay at home mom so it’s not work stress. My hair is damaged but it is blonde and I look hot. As far as exercise, I run 10 miles per day. Why does the grass seem greener on the other side of the street?

Love, Dirty

Answer: Dear Dirty, Thank you very much for the hair compliment. I wish I had a dollar for every time I’ve heard that.

But to your issue, let me first say that I have the utmost respect for hot blondes in their late twenties. When I’m at a nude dance club I always tip the hot blonde in her twenties the best. Your problem is the result of you running 10 miles per day. The constant pounding has caused brain damage and has left you mildly retarded. I will say that some of the most exciting dates I’ve been on have been with mildly retarded hot women. Stop the running and spend that time eating cinnamon pretzels and drinking 3-berry blast smoothies.

Herr Krokodil

Justice Fo' All.

Saturday, June 9, 2007

Descendent Of Slaves Beats Mr. Ed

CINCINNATI (OPP) - Mr. Ed was no match for the model thug Ocho Cinco.

The Cincinnati Bengals wide receiver was waiting at the finish line when Mr. Ed arrived at the end of his one-eighth-mile gallop. That's right: the Homie raced a horse Saturday and easily won.

The Homie was spotted a 100-meter lead - roughly about half the distance Mr. Ed had to cover because he had just smoked some crack. And when it was over, Cinco, as usual, was anything but humble. He sounded ready to take on Lassie, Flipper, Lazy Iguana and Herr Krokodil.

"Ricky Booby, you're next," the Homie said. "... Now it's my time to take over the race world."

Mr. Ed's jockey, B. A Doozie, rode a horse that beat former Bengals Honkie receiver and Florida Gator Cris Collinsworth in 1993.

"He's quick," Doozie said. "He's a fast man. That was phenomenal. When I looked over at him, all I could see were his legs; he looked like he was running out of a 7-Eleven. He was a blur. I was beat bad."

Justice Fo All.

Friday, June 8, 2007

North Carolina Has Best Beach

When North Carolina was awarded the best beach in America I was a little surprised because I thought my Clearwater Beach was the best. I went to Clearwater this week to help my duaghter move and I saw first hand why Clearwater was no longer the number one beach in America. The crazy people of Clearwater are putting a road on the beach. I took some pictures of the road. This is just mad-crazy. There weren't any hot babes at the beach either. I was dissappointed but luckily on the way to the Jet Executive Center I got a vanilla cone dipped in chocolate. Oh I love those things.

Justice Fo" All.

Homie Killer Cries Like Paris

PHOENIX (OPP) - Former Arizona State running back Loren Wade was convicted Thursday of second-degree murder in the slaying of another Sun Devils football player.

The 23-year-old Wade was on trial for first-degree murder in the death of Brandon Falkner, who was shot outside a Scottsdale nightclub on March 26th.

Prosecutors claimed Falkner was shot because Wade saw him talking to his girlfriend.

Wade faces a maximum of 22 years in prison for second degree murder.

Al Sharpton said that he should not have to serve his full sentence like Paris because the Honkie he killed had showed him disrespect by talking to his sweet thang.

Justice Fo’ all.

Thursday, June 7, 2007

Sharpton Say “Descendants of Slaves Should Riot”

NEW YORK (OPP) The Rev. Al Sharpton denounced Paris Hilton's release from jail on Thursday, saying it had "all of the appearances racial favoritism."

"I think that it's both another glaring display of how races seem to get different treatments.”

There seems to be a different criminal justice system for hot whites than blacks," Sharpton said.

Although Sharpton said he "would definitely sleep with that fine Honkie," he doubted similar treatment would be offered to his sweet thang Lakisha.”

"I remember one time I was in jail high on crack and I was tossing Cheetos and I wasn’t released," Sharpton said.

"I think that it gives a very bad signal to the approximately 2 billion black males in jail," said Sharpton.

Justice Fo’ All

Wetbacks Don't Care How Many People They Kill While Driving Drunk

Justice Fo' All

Herr Krokodil Sex Therapist

Dear Herr Krokodil,

Q. My girlfriend doesn’t want sex more than once a month. Recently, I accidentally found some material on her computer that indicates she enjoys lesbian porn. Is it possible she’s lesbian or is this a normal thing for some women to be into?

A. First let me say you are a lucky guy. Obviously your girlfriend wants to liven up your sex life by having some lesbians join in your love-making session.

The stereotypical woman wants sex once every month, not think other gals are attractive, and never, ever, be caught looking at another woman’s box in the locker room. Yet we create statues like Michelangelo’s “Emma” and the well-muscled statue of the ancient Doozie.

“Women are not allowed to look at each other, and it is certainly taboo for them to touch each other,” explains psychotherapist Here Krokodil, who treats both lesbian and trans-gendered couples at his practice in Clearwater, FL. “So that drives women to look at lesbian porn. Because it’s porn, it gives them permission.”

But why? According to Krokodil, the sight of erotic female images, often good-looking women with large breasts and long tongues, could be a form of transference, that a woman enjoys imagining herself so equipped and possibly an object of adoration by a harem of Victoria Secret models. She enjoys the sexual power implied.

Justice Fo' All.

Wednesday, June 6, 2007

Clearwater Man Accused Of Bow-And-Arrow Shootings To Celebrate His Birthday

(OPP) Police said Senor Caiman fired the arrows from his condominium on Sand Key on Sunday, reportedly at some Asians drinking beer on the beach to celebrate his birthday.

One errant arrow hit a woman who was on the beach shouting at the hot babes, police said.

The woman, identified in the complaint only as Conehead., was yelling at the hot beach babes because they were using profanity when she felt something pierce her cone.

Caiman "admitted to shooting the arrow," according to the complaint, but told the Daily News in Tuesday's edition that Ms. Conehead walked right in front of the Asians.

"My intention was to pick off the Asians," he said. "My intention was not to pierce that fine cone head.”

The complaint said a crossbow, a compound bow, a plastic knife, an assortment of Japanese rifles, a glock, a hand grenade, numerous ears on a string and 49 arrows were removed from Caiman’s condominium.

His home telephone was not listed. His Legal Aid attorney, B A Doozie, declined to comment while she investigates the case.

Justice Fo’ All

Tuesday, June 5, 2007

Wetback Held in Fatal I-40 Wreck

Raleigh — A wetback in a sport utility vehicle went through a highway median and crashed into a blue Kia Optima, driven by a 54-year-old white male. The white male died in the wreck.

The Tahoe was reported stolen in Charlotte Tuesday morning, according to troopers. Troopers said the wetback smelled of alcohol.

Agents with U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement determined the wetback was captured twice in April 2004 trying to cross from Mexico into California, and his fingerprints matched those of the wetback in Monday's wreck, authorities said.

The Wetback is charged with DWI, felony death by motor vehicle, two counts of assault with a deadly weapon, no operator’s license and careless and reckless driving.

"Right now, we're just dealing with a wetback who's given us a name. We have no proof who this wetback is," Caiman said. "It's always frustrating, but it can get really frustrating when you know that every wetback on the road is driving drunk and there's that communication barrier."

Justice fo all.

Woman Beats World Fish Stick Eating Record

Ohio Woman Scarfs More Than 69 Fish Sticks In 2 Minutes, Shattering World Record

(OPP) An Ohio woman smashed the world record for fish stick eating at a contest Saturday, gobbling up more than 69 sticks in 2 minutes.

Sarah, 29, of Akron, shattered the record held by Ms. Emma of Oregon by downing 69 fish sticks during the National Fish Stick Eating Championship at the Homie Mall in suburban Akron.

Ms. Emma's old record of 68 3/4 was set last year at Krokodil's Famous Fourth of July Fish Stick Eating Contest, held at the South Beach Pavilion in Clearwater, said Michelle, who helps run the contests for Krokodil's.

Sarah placed second in last year's world championships, consuming 68 fish sticks.

"She's unbelievable _ she just keeps on stuffing them in," said Matt, who works for Mrs. Paul’s."

Sarah won a free trip to Cleveland, a year's supply of fish sticks and a $2,500 gift card to Anne Taylor Loft.

She flew to Cleveland on Sunday night to set cars on fire to celebrate the Cavaliers making the NBA finals, Krokodil said.

Justice fo all.

Monday, June 4, 2007

The Importance Of Being Good With a Knife

Another Vietnam story. Just like today you can't tell the difference between a Homie that's going to stab you and a Homie that's going to pop a cap in you, it was hard to distinguish a Vietcong from a Vietnamese. We had befriended what we thought was a Vietnamese guy who would give us shaves. Well I noticed that each time he came and gave us shaves our ammunition supply would be bombed that night. Something fishy is going on here. So I stabbed him after my next shave and no more direct hits on the ammunition supply.

Justice Fo All.

Billy Don't be a Magic Thug

The Florida marchin' band came down along Main Street
The players’ blues fell in behind
I looked across and there I saw Billy
Waiting to go and join the line
And with her head upon his shoulder
His young and lovely wife
From where I stood I saw she was cryin'
And through her tears I heard her say

Billy, don't become a rich Magic Thug,
don't be a fool with your life
Billy, don't become a rich Magic Thug,
come back and make me your Gator
And as he started to go she said,
Billy, keep your discipline to a minimum
Billy, don't become a Magic thug,
come back to me

Justice Fo All.

Sunday, June 3, 2007

Babes with Hot Personalities

Justice Fo All.

Top ten things Herr Krokodil would accomplish in his first 100 days if elected President.

10. Nuke Syria and Iran.

9. Gather up the Mexicans and send them home.

8. Nuke Mexico

7. Nuke Cuba

6. Move businesses out of the inner cities.

5. Nuke the inner-cities.

4. Nuke Russia, Africa and Guyana

3. Nuke Miami after getting The Lazy out.

2. Nuke Louisiana

1. Charge the poor for free health care.

Justice Fo All

Doozie Says No Apology Forthcoming

“I shot that big old nasty pig and I’m proud of it,” said Doozie.

Doozie had strong words for the liberal tree-hugging media when they questioned her about shooting Fred the pet pig.

Doozie said “the liberal media doesn’t know crap.” “I want to see them sit next to some fat pig on a commercial flight from Tampa to Dallas.” “I want to see them sit next to a fat pig in the movie theatre, that nasty old fat arm getting near my popcorn and Milk Duds, nasty.” “I don’t care if the fat pig was dressed up in the latest fashions from Lane Bryant that pig was going down.”

Doozie did say that she thought it was a little odd that the pig came right up to her and stuck it’s tongue in her ear.

Justice Fo All.

Saturday, June 2, 2007

Day Lilies to Compete with Saur's Flowers

Justice Fo All.

What Is A Hate Crime

The Lazy in my last post had brought up that some people thought the Homies killing the Whiteys was a hate crime. This got me thinking, what is a hate crime?

Since starting my new blog its been like old Homie week with Tyrone Williams starting out with the Pledge of Allegiance and who just popped their disfigured head in the door but Ubangi Lipscomb. Ubangi stopped in to say that he was interested in being part of the “Justice Fo All” team as long as he didn’t have to work before 11:00am. A man with his talents makes his own rules.

I asked Ubangi what a hate crime was to him?

Ubangi said “it’s when my sweet thang Lakisha won’t give me some of dat gravy.”

You can’t always believe Ubangi, even though I love him, so I called the News and Observer, a local newspaper, to have them give me exactly what makes a crime a hate crime. It's actually pretty easy to identify. Here are some examples of hate crimes:

A Homie steals your wallet and as he's running away you yell "you stupid negro." Now you’re going to jail for a hate crime.

A Homie driving a stolen Excalade side-swipes your car and you yell out the window "you stupid negro." Now you’re going to jail for a hate crime.

There is still one scenario where the liberal media couldn't give me a definitive answer. Example:

A Homie steals another Homie's meth and as he escaping with the meth the one Homie yells "you stupid negro."

This is a gray area. Thanks to The Lazy for providing the impetus for getting to the bottom of “What is a hate crime.”

Justice Fo All.