Dear Herr Krokodil,
Question: I’d like to start out by saying you have exquisite hair. But I digress, I’m a married 29 year-old hot babe with 3 children and lately I’ve been somewhat depressed. I’m a stay at home mom so it’s not work stress. My hair is damaged but it is blonde and I look hot. As far as exercise, I run 10 miles per day. Why does the grass seem greener on the other side of the street?
Love, Dirty
Answer: Dear Dirty, Thank you very much for the hair compliment. I wish I had a dollar for every time I’ve heard that.
But to your issue, let me first say that I have the utmost respect for hot blondes in their late twenties. When I’m at a nude dance club I always tip the hot blonde in her twenties the best. Your problem is the result of you running 10 miles per day. The constant pounding has caused brain damage and has left you mildly retarded. I will say that some of the most exciting dates I’ve been on have been with mildly retarded hot women. Stop the running and spend that time eating cinnamon pretzels and drinking 3-berry blast smoothies.
Regards,
Herr Krokodil
Justice Fo' All.
17 comments:
First I want you to know if you ever disappear, I will cry for days. I am very depressed right now, and so far you are the only one I've laughed at. Please don't go away...I'm being serious here.
I'd like to add some advice for Deertay...Lets church up her name a little shall we? I would just say "take two vicodin and call me in the morning". That is my old standby. Granted I have vicodin which I rarely do because If I did have it I would probably give it to the poor and be arrested for drug laundering. No wonder we have never dated, I'm not mildly retarded or even close.
I have a cold sore on my lip today. I need help
I still think brunettes have more fun.
That is excellent advice. However, I would never suggest that a hot chick eat more pretzels. I would suggest that they run less and have sex more. Sex can burn calories.
Doozie,
You're just saying that because I have nice hair but thank you. Tomorrow will be a good test of my blog staying ability.
Some excellent advice for Dirty. Sometimes I forget about prescription drugs.
Valtrex,
I've never had a cold sore. But I have been shot, is it like that?
Emma,
You really do have a sense of humor don't you?
The Lazy,
Excellent point, I guess I was thinking more about me than suggesting a logical solution.
Dear Herr Krokodil...I totally agree with Doozie...please don't go away because you make me laugh and you have great hair. I'm not sure if the mild retardedness has come from the running or the chemicals from my hair dye. How many times do I have to tell you I'm 24?
xoxo
dirty
Doozie...I do need to take some vicodin. Being mildly retarded isn't so bad...you should try it sometime.
xoxo
Deertay
Did someone say retarded? Let's not turn THIS blog into something politically incorrect. I don't think I could handle it.
I think this is the last blog where we can say retarded, retard, tard, and midget without the comment being deleted.
I agree. I like the word retarded, and I enjoy saying it on a daily basis. There is something wrong in a world where you can no longer say the words you enjoy without being judged by blasphemers.
Is deertay related to Joe Dirt/Deertay? He is one of my hero's and I do believe he is also mildly retarded
Dirty,
Twenty four justs seems very young to be mildly retarded. I'm glad you have a sense of humor. Some people think I'm mildly retarded but it's really just me.
xoxo
Herr Krokodil
All,
I try to avoid political incorrectness. Is retarded really politically incorrect? Learn something new every day. What are you suppose to call a retarded person?
This was my attempt at humor. If you don't like it, then you can kiss my politically correct ass.
sorry guys...it's been a day
You can call an actual mentally retarded person DD short for Developmentally Delayed which is the PC term now. I never call an actual retarded person retarded. I save that term for people who are just stupid
Of course I have a sense of humor...if I didn't, Ohio would've already eaten me alive. I also enjoy the word retarded and use it in reference to most of the locals.
I wish Joe Dirt was my brother. I was adopted so there is always that chance. He had great hair.
Doozie,
You are very funny. I'm just saying that because you have great hair and you're younger than me. You're not funny.
I've never known a retarded person outside of knowing Dirty.
Dirty,
It's great that you were adopted by a loving family. It's kinda weird the ladies at my work who can't have babies now order there children from Russia. They're too afraid that American babies might have black blood in them. Can't really blame them I guess.
I think we can just start calling the retarded "President Bush".
Or any of these alternatives.
1. short bus rider
2. helmet wearing short bus rider
3. helmet wearing short bus riding mouth breather.
4. helmet wearing, short bus riding, mouth breathing, President Bush.
See how that works out?
The Lazy,
Did someone steal the retarded's watch or not? I'm saying yes.
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